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Co-dependence - The Rescuer, Victim and Persecutor in action

Posted : August 28, 2016

Also posted on since I was a Board Member of the Repatterning Practitioners Association, USA

Written by : Lana Lewis

I had the privilege of watching THE WHISTLEBLOWER movie again last night (27 August 2016). I had previously seen the movie, but it was once again showing on television last night so I took the opportunity to watch it. For those who have not seen the movie, you can read all about it on Wikipedia.

Below is a brief synopsis from Wikipedia: The Whistleblower is a 2010 biographical crime drama film which was inspired by the story of Kathryn Bolkovac, a Nebraska police officer who was recruited as a United Nations peacekeeper for DynCorp International in post-war Bosnia and Herzegovina in 1999. While there, she discovered a sex trafficking ring serving (and facilitated by) DynCorp employees, with the UN’s SFOR peacekeeping force turning a blind eye. Bolkovac was fired and forced out of the country after attempting to shut down the ring. She took the story to BBC News in England and won a wrongful-dismissal lawsuit against DynCorp.

While watching the movie, I could not help thinking about our CO-DEPENDENCE REPATTERNING which was created by Magui Block, and which can be found in the “Healing the Family Systems” book. I have studied Family Constellation Therapy (FCT) since 2008, with various teachers from South Africa and Germany, as well as doing Magui’s courses more than once. As a practitioner of FCT, I continually view life according to its basic principles.

For those of you who have studied the CO-DEPENDENCE REPATTERNING, you will remember the graphic that summarizes how we interact in co-dependent relationships. Rather than only looking at opposites, that is, victims and persecutors, we are forced to recognise that we interact according to a triangle, that is, victims, persecutors and rescuers.

Whilst watching ‘The Whistleblower”, I noticed how the DnyCorp employees and the UN’s peacekeeping stabilization force – who were initially RESCUERS – turned into PERSECUTORS. Kathryn Bolkovac was recruited as a UN peacekeeper, so she too was a Rescuer, and although she remained a Rescuer throughout the movie, she was persecuted and victimized by her ‘colleagues’. The co-dependence triangle was in full force during this movie. In my opinion, the end result was that victims remained victims, many rescuers became persecutors and a handful of rescuers remained rescuers.

It appears that once someone is caught up in the co-dependence triangle, it is very hard to extricate yourself from the situation. It is such a dubious and fine line to want to assist others and at the same time not get caught up in the co-dependence triangle. What is the higher octave of a Rescuer? I don’t have the answer to that question.

How do we perceive others as our equals and empowered when they have been imprisoned in the sex / slave trade? How do we accept the atrocities of life, without feeling something? Those are indeed questions that remain insufficiently answered. If we do not take into account our past lives, astrology charts, life lessons, etc. how do we look at this situation and not want to be a Rescuer?

The simple answer is to remain detached at some level without losing our compassion. We need to maintain our own equilibrium while choosing to offer support to those in need. How we get this right is a lifelong journey and just words until you can truly feel this within yourself.

Kathryn chose to make a difference, regardless of the personal cost. She chose to remain a Rescuer, without taking on the qualities of a Victim or a Persecutor. I honor her determination to remain true to her role.

I was chatting to a friend the other day who could not understand why I was still single. She suggested that I not focus on finding a boyfriend. I told her that I do not focus on this – in fact, I haven’t focused on this for many years. I focus on everything else but finding a boyfriend. I follow all the suggestions made to us in our spiritual/self help books. So then, why am I still single? Because I still resonate with wanting a boyfriend. And that is the difference. Many of us pretend, ignore, suppress, or hide what we want. We focus on other things, we fill our days with activities, we “detach” from what we want, and we believe that we have “let go” of our desire.

If you are resonating with your desire, then you cannot detach from it or let it go. I came to this epiphany when I was offered a contracting position a few weeks ago. I truly didn’t care one way or the other if I was chosen for the position or not. The pay wasn’t very good and it was excessively long hours and the company was taking months to make a decision. The end result was that the position was offered to me. Why? I honestly believe that they offered me the job because I was not attached, at any level, to the outcome. I did not resonate with a want or need. I was completely devoid of desire. I was genuinely detached. It was at this point that I realized that I was still attached to wanting a boyfriend. I had thought that I had fully let go of the need for a boyfriend and that I was happy being single. So I guess, I had gone through the motions, not taking into account that some small part of me still wanted or needed or desired a boyfriend.

The reason I digressed above, with my short story, is because I believe that we all resonate with Rescuer, Victim and Persecutor. Well, the truth is that we resonate with every possible archetype. So I suppose to be a neutral Rescuer, we have to stop resonating with wanting to rescue. Perhaps that is the higher octave of the rescuer archetype. So what would we call a detached rescuer? And if we label this archetype, would we create a new resonance? Makes you think, doesn’t it.